before mum left for work she handed me this lemon and told me to make sure it doesn’t cause any mischief while she is out. i am to groom him twice a day and feed him every 3 hours. then we shall play boggle and i’ll let him win out of pity. he’ll notice the sparkle in my eyes and fall in love with me. i will be mesmerised by his beautiful zesty scent and fall in love with him. at the end of the day i will get down on one knee and confess my undying love for him and ask him for his hand in marriage. we are to be wed on the ides of april. our honeymoon will be wild and carnal.
i shall fall pregnant and 9 months later will give birth to a beautiful lemon daughter. i will name her clarissa. throughout her teen years she will face many challenges. no one will want to date her because she is a lemon. no one will invite her to their sweet 16 because she is a lemon. no girl wants to change in front of her in the PE change rooms because she is a lemon.
clarissa will eventually lose her fucking lemon mind and jump into a blender. i will be devastated by this. i will cry many tears. then, my lemon husband will leave me out of confusion and grief. he’ll find some foreign woman here on a visitor’s visa and fuck her brains out. he’ll then realise that the only human woman who has ever satisfied his citrus seeds is me, and he will come back to me. i will make him work to earn my respect again. we will make sweet sweet love under the orange tree in my backyard. he’ll tell me he loves me and i’ll tell him i love him, and then we’ll grow old together and sit on the porch every morning, watching the sun rise.
I love how tumblr doesn’t even tell you its updated its just like spot the difference you little fuckers
Gordon Ramsay with Kids vs. Gordon Ramsay with Adults.
I honestly think this man is my spirit animal.
|—||Every roleplayer ever (via jean-huh-kirschnickerdoodle)|
half the time when people are talking i don’t even know what’s going on so i just stand there and smile and act like i understand
when you randomly get new followers
They’ve come to the state where mocking eachother is totally fine.
I’M HOME ALONE AND MY PARENTS FORGOT TO TELL ME THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE PAINTING OUR HOUSE SO I’VE BEEN REENACTING LES MIS AND I JUST VIOLENTLY THREW OPEN THE WINDOW TO YELL ‘CANONS’ AND THE POOR GUY NEARLY FELL OFF HIS STEPLADDER
DON’T YOU DARE REBLOG THIS I MIGHT GET SUED
BASED ON THIS POST because flower garlands
THIS HAS BEEN DONE LIKE 16 TIMES BEFORE BUT DAMMIT
IF YOU BREAK MY HEART I BREAK YOURS
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW
CLICK AND DRAG FOR MAXIMUM WEEPING
I SHOULDN’T HAVE CLICKED AND DRAGGED.
((WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS FANDOM))
WELL. Thanks for that!!!!!!!